Claudius the God c-2 Read online

  Herod, who was still not sure whether the German's earnestness was real or assumed, answered, quite truthfully, `The Name of our God is too holy to be pronounced. We Jews are obliged to refer to it by periphrases, and even by periphrases of periphrases.'

  The German decided that Herod must be making fun of him and said: `Do not think, please, that I am saying this in the hope of any reward from you; but seeing the bird do what it did I felt impelled to congratulate you on the omen. Now I have one more thing to tell you,, because I am a well-known augur in my country when next you see this bird, though it may be in the time of your highest prosperity, and it settles near you and begins to utter cries, then you will know that your days of happiness are over and that the number of those days which still remain for you to live will be no greater than the number of cries that the owl has given. But may that day be long in coming!'

  Herod had quite recovered his spirits by this time and said to the German: `I think, old man, that you talk the most charming nonsense that I have heard since my return to Italy. You have my sincere thanks for trying to cheer me and if ever I get out of this place a free man, I shall see what I can do to have you freed too. If you are as good company out of chains as in chains we shall have some enjoyable evenings together, drinking and laughing and telling funny stories.'

  The German went off in a huff.

  Meanwhile Tiberius had given sudden orders to his servants to pack up his things and sailed back to Capri that very afternoon. He was afraid, I suppose, that my mother would try to persuade him to release Herod, and it would be difficult for him to refuse, being so much in her debt over the matter of Sejanus and Livilla. My mother, realizing that she could do nothing for Herod now, except perhaps to arrange that prison life should be made as easy as possible for him, asked Macro to oblige her in this as far as was possible. Macro replied that if he gave Herod more considerate treatment than the other prisoners he would certainly get into trouble with Tiberius. My mother replied, `Short of allowing him any facilities for escape, do all that you can for him, I beg you, and if Tiberius happens to hear of it and to be displeased I promise to bear the full weight of his displeasure myself.' She much disliked being in the position of asking favours from. Macro, whose father had been one of our family slaves. But she felt great personal concern for Herod and would have done almost anything' for him then. Macro was flattered by her pleas and promised to choose a warder for Herod who would show him every consideration, and also to appoint as governor of the prison a captain whom she knew personally. More than this, he arranged that Herod should take his meals with the governor and should be allowed to visit the local baths daily under escort. He said that if Herod's freedmen cared to bring him extra food and warm bedding - for winter was now drawing on - he would see that no difficulties were made, but that the freedmen must tell the porter at the gate that these comforts were for the governor's own use. So Herod's experience of prison was not too painful, though he was chained to the wall by a heavy iron chain whenever his warder was not in actual attendance; but he worried, greatly as to what was happening to Cypros and the children, for he was allowed no news from the outside world. Silas, though he had not had the satisfaction of telling Herod that he should have listened to his advice (about not tampering with the marsh of Camarina), saw to it that the freedmen brought the prisoner his food and other necessities punctually and discreetly; and did as much for him as lay in his power to do. In the end he was himself arrested for trying to smuggle a letter into the prison; but was released with a caution.

  Early in the following year Tiberius decided to leave Capri for Rome and told Macro to send all the prisoners there, because he intended to settle their cases on his arrival. Herod and the rest were therefore taken from Misenum and marched, by stages, to the detention barracks in the Guards Camp outside the City. You will recall that Tiberius turned back when within sight of the City walls because of an unlucky omen, the death of his pet wingless dragon; he hurried back to Capri, but caught a chill and got no farther than Misenum. You will recall, too, that when he was believed to be dead and Caligula was already strutting about the hall of the villa, flashing his signet ring among a crowd of admiring courtiers, the old man started up from his coma and called loudly for food. But the news of his death and Caligula's succession had already reached Rome by courier. Herod's freedman, the one who brought him the money from Acre, happened to meet the courier on the outskirts of the City, who shouted out the news as he galloped past. The freedman ran to the camp, entered the detention barracks, and running excitedly towards. Herod cried out in Hebrew, `The Lion is dead.' Herod, questioned him rapidly in the same language and appeared so extraordinarily pleased that the governor came up and demanded to be told what news the freedman had brought.. This was a breach of prison rules, he said, and must not occur. again. Herod explained that it was nothing, only the birth of a male heir to one of his relatives in Edom; but the governor made it plain that he insisted on knowing the truth, so Herod finally said, `The Emperor is dead.'

  The governor, who was on very good terms with Herod by this time, asked the freedman whether he was sure that the news was true. The freedman replied that he had heard it directly from an Imperial courier. The governor knocked off Herod's chain with his own hands and said, 'We must celebrate this, Herod Agrippa, my friend, with the best wine in the camp.' They were just eating a most cheerful meal together, Herod being in his best form and telling the governor what a good fellow he was, and how considerately he had behaved, and how happy they would all be now that Caligula was. Emperor, when news came that Tiberius was not dead after all This put the governor into a great state of alarm. He decided that Herod had arranged for this false message to be brought just to get him into trouble. `Back to your chain this instant,' he shouted angrily, `and never expect me to trust you again.' So Herod had to get up from the table and go gloomily back to his cell. But, as you will again recall, Macro had not allowed Tiberius to enjoy his new lease of life for very long but had gone into the Imperial bed-chamber and smothered him with a pillow. So again the news came that Tiberius was dead, this time really dead. But the governor kept Herod chained up all night. He was not taking any risks.

  Caligula wished to release Herod at once, but curiously enough it was my mother who prevented him from doing so. She was at Baiae, close to Misenum. She told him that until Tiberius's funeral was over it would be indecent to release anyone who had' been imprisoned by him on a charge of treason. It would look much better if Herod, though allowed to return to his house at Rome, were to remain for a time under open arrest. So this was done. Herod went home but still had his warder with him and was expected to wear prison dress. When the official mourning for Tiberius was at an end, Caligula sent Herod a message telling him to shave and put on clean clothes and come to dine with him the next day at the Palace. Herod's troubles seemed over at last.

  I do not think that I mentioned the death, three years before this, of Herod's uncle Philip: he left a widow - Salome, Herodias's daughter, reputed the most beautiful woman in the Near East. When the news of Philip's death reached Rome, Herod had immediately spoken to the freedman who was most in Tiberius's confidence where Eastern questions were concerned, and persuaded him to do something for him.' The freedman was to remind Tiberius that Philip had left no children, and was to suggest that his tetrarchy of Bashan should be given to no other member of the Herod family but be temporarily attached, for administrative purposes, to the province of Syria. The freedman was on no account to remind Tiberius of the royal revenues of the tetrarchy, which amounted to 160,000 gold pieces a year. Should Tiberius take his advice and instruct him to write a letter informing the Governor of Syria that the tetrarchy would now pass under his jurisdiction, he was to smuggle in a postscript to the effect that the royal revenues must be allowed to accumulate until a successor to Philip should be appointed. Herod was reserving Bashan and its revenues for his own use. So it happened that when, at the dinner to which he had invited Herod
, Caligula gratefully rewarded him for his sufferings by granting him the tetrarchy complete with revenues, with the title of king thrown in too, Herod found himself very well off indeed. Caligula also called for the chain which Herod had worn in prison and gave him an exact replica of it, link for link, in the purest gold. A few days later Herod, who had not forgotten to secure the old German's release and to get the coachman condemned for perjury, deprived of his freedom, and whipped nearly to death, sailed joyfully to, the East to take over his new kingdom. Cypros went with him, more joyful even than he. During Herod's imprisonment she had been looking thoroughly ill and miserable, for she was the most faithful wife in the world and even refused to eat. or drink anything better than the prison rations that her husband was drawing. She stayed at the house of Herod's younger brother, Herod Pollio.

  This happy pair, then, Herod and Cypros, reunited once more, and accompanied as usual by Silas, sailed to Egypt on their way to Bashan. At Alexandria they disembarked, to pay their respects to the Alabarch. Herod intended to enter the city with as little ostentation as possible, not wishing to be the cause of any disturbances between the Jews and Greeks; but the Jews were overjoyed at the visit of a Jewish king, and one so high in. the Emperor's favour. They met him at the docks, many thousands strong, in holiday dress, crying `Hosanna, hosanna!' and singing songs of rejoicing, and so escorted him to their quarter of the city, which is called `The Delta'. Herod did his best to calm popular enthusiasm, but Cypros found the contrast between this arrival in Alexandria and their former one so delightful that for her sake he let many extravagances go by. The Alexandrian. Greeks were angry and jealous. They dressed up in mock-royal state a well-known idiot of the city, or pretended idiot rather, Baba by name, who used to go begging around the principal squares and raising laughs and coppers by his clowning. They provided this Baba with a grotesque guard of soldiers armed with sausage swords, pork shields, and pig's-head helmets and paraded him through `The Delta'. The crowd shouted Marin! Marin! which means King! King!' They made a demonstration outside the Alabarch's house and another outside the. house of his brother Philo. Herod visited two of the leading Greeks and lodged a protest. He said no more than, 'I shall not forget to-day's performance and I think that one day you'll regret it.'

  From Alexandria Herod and Cypros continued their voyage to the port of Jaffa. From Jaffa they went to Jerusalem to visit their children, there and to stay in the Temple precincts as guests of the High Priest, with whom it was important for Herod to arrive at an understanding. He created an excellent impression by dedicating his iron prison-chain to the Jewish God, hanging it up on the wall of the Temple Treasury. Then they passed through Samaria and the borders of Galilee - without, however, sending any complimentary message to Antipas and Herodias - and so came to their new home at Caesarea Philippi, the lovely city-built by Philip as, his capital on the southern slopes of Mount Hermon. There they collected the accumulated revenues laid up for them since Philip's death. Salome, Philip's widow, made a set at Herod and tried all her most captivating arts on him, but it was no use. He told her: `You are certainly very good looking and very gracious and very witty; but you must remember the proverb: "Move into a new house, but take the old earth with you." The only possible queen for Bashan is my dear Cypros.'

  You can imagine that when Herodias heard of Herod's good fortune she was wild with jealousy. Cypros was now a Queen, while she herself was the wife of a mere Tetrarch. She tried to rouse Antipas into feeling the. same as she did; but Antipas, an indolent old man, was perfectly satisfied with his position; though he was only a Tetrarch, he was a very rich one and it was a matter of very little importance to him by what title or titles he was known. Herodias called him a pitiful fellow - how could he expect her to have any further respect for him? `To think,' she said, `that my brother, Herod Agrippa, who came here not so long ago as a penniless refugee, dependent on your charity for the very bread that he ate, and then grossly insulted us and fled to Syria, and was hounded out of Syria for corruption, and was nearly arrested at Anthedon for debt, and then went to Rome and was imprisoned for treason to the Emperor - to think that a man with such a record, a spendthrift who has left a trail of unpaid bills behind him wherever he has gone, should now be a King and in a position to insult us! It is unbearable. I insist that you go to Rome at once and force the new Emperor to give you at least equal honours with Herod.'

  Antipas answered: `My dear Herodias, you are not talking wisely. We are very well off here, you know, and if we tried to improve our position it might bring us bad luck. Rome has never been a safe place to visit since Augustus died.'

  'I won't speak to you or sleep with you again,' said Herodias, `until you give me your word that you will go.'

  Herod heard of this scene from one of his agents at Antipas's court; and when, shortly, after, Antipas started out for Rome he sent a letter to Caligula by a fast vessel, offering the captain a very large reward if he reached Rome before Antipas did. The captain cracked on as muchsail as

  he dared and just managed to win the money. When Antipas presented himself before Caligula, Caligula already had Herod's letter in his hand. It was to the effect that Herod while staying in Jerusalem had heard grave charges against his uncle Herod Antipas, which he had not at first credited, but which had on investigation proved true. Not only had his uncle been. engaged in treasonable correspondence with Sejanus at the time that Sejanus and Livilla were plotting to usurp the monarchy - that was an old story - but he had lately been exchanging letters with the King of Parthia, planning with his help to organize a widespread revolt against Rome in the Near East. The King of Parthia had undertaken to give him Samaria, Judaea, and Herod's own kingdom of Bashan as a reward for his disloyalty. As a proof of this accusation, Herod mentioned that Antipas had 70,000 complete suits of armour in his palace armoury. What, otherwise, was the meaning of these secret preparations for war? His uncle's standing army numbered only a few hundred men, a mere guard of honour. The armour was certainly not intended for arming Roman troops.

  Herod was very sly. He knew perfectly well that Antipas had no war-like intentions whatsoever and that it was merely his fondness for display that had led him to stock his armoury in this lavish style. The revenues from Galilee and Gilead were rich, and Antipas, though stingy, in his hospitality, liked to spend money on costly objects: he collected suits of armour as rich men at Rome collect statues, pictures, and inlaid furniture. But Herod knew that this explanation would not occur to Caligula, whom he had often told about Antipas's miserliness. So when Antipascame. to

  the Palace and saluted Caligula, congratulating him on his accession, Caligula greeted him coldly and asked him at once: `Is it true, Tetrarch, that you have seventy thousand suits-of armour in your. palace armoury?' Antipas was startled and could not deny it: for Herod had been careful not to exaggerate. He muttered something about the armour being intended for his own personal pleasure.

  Caligula said: `This audience is already over. Don't make feeble excuses. I shall consider what to do with you to-morrow.' Antipas had to retire, abashed and anxious.

  That evening Caligula asked me at dinner: `Where was it that you were born, Uncle Claudius?'

  'Lyons,' I answered.

  `An unhealthy sort of place, isn't it?' asked Caligula, twiddling a gold wine-cup in his fingers.

  `Yes,' I answered. `It. has the reputation of being one of the most unhealthy places in your dominions. I blame the climate of Lyons for having condemned me, while still an infant, to my present useless and inactive life.'

  `Yes, I thought I had once heard you say that,' said Caligula.' `We'll send Antipas there. The change of climate may do him good. There's too much sun in Galilee for a man of his fiery character.'

  Next day Caligula told Antipas that he must consider himself degraded from his rank of Tetrarch, and that a vessel was waiting at Ostia to carry him away to exile at Lyons. Antipas took the matter philosophically - exile was better than death - and I will say this much to
his credit, that so far as I know he never gave Herodias, who had accompanied him from Galilee, a word of reproach. Caligula wrote to Herod thanking him for his timely warning and awarding him Antipas's tetrarchy and revenues in recognition of his loyalty. But knowing that Herodias was Herod's sister, he told her that for her brother's sake he would allow her to keep any property of her own that she might possess and return to Galilee, if she wished, to live under his protection. Herodias was too proud to accept this and told Caligula that Antipas had always treated her very well and that she would not desert him in the hour of his need. She began a long speech intended to soften Caligula's heart, but he cut it short. Herodias and Antipas sailed together for Lyons the next morning. They never returned to Palestine.

  Herod replied in terms of the most boundless gratitude for Caligula's gift. Caligula showed me the letter. `But what a man! Herod had written. `Seventy thousand suits of armour, and all for his own personal pleasure! Two a day for nearly a hundred years! But it seems almost a pity to condemn a man like that to rot away at Lyons.' You ought to send him out to invade Germany singlehanded. Your father always said that the only way to deal with the Germans was to exterminate them, and here you have the perfect exterminator at your service - such a glutton for combat that he lays in a stock of seventy thousand suits of armour, all made to measure.' We had a good laugh over that. Herod ended by saying that he must come back at once to Rome to thank Caligula by word of mouth: pen and paper were not sufficient to express what he felt. He would make his brother Aristobulus temporary regent in Galilee and Gilead, with Silas to keep a careful eye on him, and his youngest brother, Herod Pollio, temporary regent of Bashan.